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Thursday, February 12th, 2004
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10:50 am
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take my hand baby don't be scared,
whoa whoa, livin on a prayer
I'M BACK IN FULL FORCE!
i'm sorry i havent written in so long. i've been pretty down in the dumps about this weight gain. nora's friend came over the other night and didn't even recognize me! seriously. every single person who comes over is all, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE HUGE!" and "TURBO YOUR BREATH STINKS, EEW CITY!" you know what? FUCK YOU! there's nothing wrong with my size. i'm just growing up, that's all. i know i have a little belly but you know what? you can't live your dreams out vicariously through me! you need to let go, and take your insecurities elsewhere! i can't be your skinny little cat. what if everytime i saw you i said, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE HUGE!" exactly. so shove it up your peehole! and this breath stuff? WHATEV. i'm sorry i can't be perfect like you stupid humans. oh wait, who thought up chia pets, the word "trousers", and geraldo rivera? that was all you! SLAM.
anywho...
it's been a long winter. i was pretty down in the dumps. they wouldn't even open the door. what's it gonna be like in the spring when i try to climb up the screen? i'm a little nervous. the sping that was in my kitten step isn't exactly bouncin anymore, if you know what i mean... but anyways, i'm feeling better now. i've taken to eating as much toilet paper as possible in order to keep myself occupied. (maybe that's why i've gained weight?)
also, hopefully, the gays will be able to marry here soon! since bestiality is supposed to follow, hopefully cats will be able to get married soon to, and i'll be in the clear.
current music: bon jovi
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, November 13th, 2003
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3:22 pm - what the fuck?!
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do i walk into your house and comment on the extra pounds you have put on? well maybe i do, but not out loud!
people keep making really rude comments about my size... and i am not cool with that. people assume that cause im a boy that i dont care about such things, but i do!
it's been a while since i have updated... but i feel it is due time. feline eating disorders are a plague on our society. lets not perpetuate it!
and besides... woah... theres a loose string hanging off joey's bed... i gotta jet.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: some gay techno stuff joey is playing
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| Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
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10:11 am - whats a little poop here and there
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so i pooped in nora's room again last night. that'll show those jerks. see if they'll ever be putting me in there again! i don't understand why they put me in there anyways. all i did was attack someone's face. oh well.
the humans started shutting the bathroom so i there are now officially two rooms i can't get in. not my fault that my palate is not satisfied unless i eat all the toilet paper. why do humans wipe their asses anyways? i always found that to be kind of a weird ritual.
k, i'm gonna go punch the air now. bye!
current mood:  quixotic
current music: rocket man- elton john.
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| Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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5:23 pm
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sorry i havent updated in a while. i've been really busy becoming increasingly psychotic. i honestly think i might have ADHD or something. i'm trying to convince the humans to get me some catnip, i figure it might have the ritalin effect you know, how if you are hyper it calms you down, but if you are normal it makes you crazy. anyways, bottom line is, i need me some drugs. nora said my mom was pretty crazy when she was my age. hopefully its just genetic, and i'll calm down in a few months.
carolyn, joey, and catie just attacked me with shoes. it was like heaven. shoes-- everywhere, shoes. i have such a fetish. i can't get enough of SHOES.
on another note, i'm getting fatter by the day. i am The Fat Cat. i am so hot. i have a new prospective boyfriend. he's a little older, you know, he always comes right up to the screen door and we sniff each others' butts and touch paws. he's pretty hot. i'm not sure i'm ready to settle down, but we'll see how it pans out. older men are a little weird, but he seems like he has a young heart.
okay, i gotta go look at stuff. bye.
p.s. why are people talking about my bikini line?
current mood:  hyper
current music: taylor dane. tell it to my heart.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
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1:23 pm - name analysis
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While your name of Turbo gives you an intense desire to be of service to others, it brings out a practical, technical nature, and you become involved in fussy little details that detract from the fulfilment of your greater ideals. You are a very patient person and will work hard one step at a time to accomplish your goals. Not interested in large undertakings, you are content to live from day to day to save for your future. Always budgeting carefully, you do not believe in frivolous spending. You tend to be thorough in building a solid foundation of fact and logic, but you are not especially imaginative or investigative. You are particular and quite set in your way you want things to be done. Once you have made up your mind or formed an opinion it is not easily changed. Hence there is a restriction in friendships and business opportunities. This name stimulates urges and desires for which there is no creative outlet and the ensuing frustration creates nervous tension which centres in the region of the solar plexus and intestinal organs, causing constipation, intestinal trouble, boils, or growths. You feel emotional frustrations and disturbances that create irritability and a strong temper.
http://www.kabalarians.com/index.cfm
what'd ya think, guys? is it me? i definitly think they hit the nail on the head with the intestinal trouble. i'm a little offput by how bias this is towards "humans" though. whats can i say... I'M USED TO THAT.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: christina aguleria. beautiful.
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| Friday, July 18th, 2003
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5:17 pm - so , about earlobes...
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is there a direct correlation between getting your balls cut off and helplessly desiring to suck on people's earlobes, like a fuckin addiction, craving those things like a nymphomaniac craves dick? i don't get it man. the balls get cut off, and now i can't stop sucking on people's ears. joey, melissa, nora, and carolyn are gonna kill me. but i can't help it. i'm really sorry guys. its this weird neurosis, swear. rationally i know that milk doesn't come out of earlobes, and that neither one of you is my mother, but i
cant
help
myself.
sucking on those things is like
pure
ecstacy.
earlobes: the other E.
current mood:  exanimate
current music: les miserables. at the end of the day.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
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11:20 pm - you know it
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i just ate the BEST beetle!
and i'm not talking about george or ringo.
yea i like ringo, you got beef?
anyways, i'm stuffed.
current mood: stuffed
current music: carry that weight- the beatles
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| Monday, July 14th, 2003
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10:45 am - you can take away my balls...
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but you can't take my spirit!
meow. so i'm back at home, post op, and fully recovered. everybody keeps asking me why i'm still "crazy". aint nobody gonna hold turbo down.
oh yeah, i hate recycling day... cause my favorite toys get taken away and put out side. all my precious beer cans and boxes. sigh. these hotrock kids better start boozing it up again soon.
ok, i think i'm gonna try and find my way into carolyn's room. that door has been closed for far too long!
meow.
current mood:  devious
current music: beyonce - crazy in love
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 9th, 2003
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7:20 pm - R.I.P
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| Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003
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11:01 am - strike a pose
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meow... so i finally managed to get a user pic up, now you can all finally see the whiskers behind the name! cat fancy eat your heart out.
i'm kinda pissed off, carolyn decided i'm not allowed in her room unsupervised anymore... is it my fault that the pictures on her wall beg me to tear them down?
i totally showed her though, last night i totally snuggled up in her man's lap... turbo still got it!
i think i'm gonna go try and get in the sink again.
xo meow xo.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: madonna again
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| Saturday, June 28th, 2003
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1:27 pm - oh my god...
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THEY'RE GOING TO CUT OFF MY BALLS!
current mood:  indescribable
current music: have you seen her? mc hammer.
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| Monday, June 23rd, 2003
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4:59 pm
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roar.
i would really appreciate it if everyone could put me on their friends list. i know i'm a cat, but cats need friends too, and cats have live journals just like humans. everyone keeps asking my owners who did this journal. guess what guys? cats can type. cats can read. cats can speak english. we just dont because, quite frankly, we're just way better than that.
i have to get some pictures up. i'll have to sneak into daddy's room and use his digital camera. don't worry, you'll get to see me soon.
we ran out of schlitz. i am so sad. they never take my fake id at the liquor store either. this sucks! MEOW!
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| Saturday, June 21st, 2003
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1:47 pm - fucking water guns
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meow. this is my first entry. my humans dont know that i made this journal, but i needed an outlet to be able to talk about them and express myself. its just so frustrating sometimes. last night, mommy, mommy, and daddy got drunk again. i just can't handle this. years of alcoholism has really got me down. its so hard to be around humans that wont give me beers. i try so hard to get into the schlitz box but it just isn't accesable to cats. i think i'm gonna write that company a fuckin letter. cause thats discrimination!!!
this morning i was watching animal planet. it was nice. i'd rather be climbing the screen though. the trouble is, whenever i do that now, one of my humans comes out of nowhere and squirts me with this stupid water gun. i hate it! meow.
current mood:  bitchy
current music: madonna.
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turbopussypants's journal
distressed